


Speak

by SpeakOrDie



Series: Could it be? [4]
Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 10:50:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14134530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpeakOrDie/pseuds/SpeakOrDie
Summary: After avoiding it for weeks, Armie and Timmy finally talk about their feelings.





	Speak

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guyssssss, thank you as always for the comments and kudos, they mean the WORLD to me.  
> xx 
> 
> message me on my [tumblr](https://parlare-o-morire.tumblr.com/) if you ever want to talk!

Timmy tried his best not to think about it. He really did. I mean, he wasn’t even supposed to care. Right? Him and Armie were nothing, after all. He had absolutely no right to be mad at him for talking to his _wife_ for christ’s sake, and yet, he felt…betrayed. They hadn’t really discussed their situation, or put any labels on their…relationship? Could it even be called that? And still, he couldn’t help but be jealous. Last night, after Armie ditched him to go talk to Elizabeth, Timmy had paced his apartment for hours, wondering what they were talking about. What was Armie saying to her? Did she know? Would she care? He’d gone to sleep cursing at himself for even thinking about it. Of course Armie just wanted to have fun with him, nothing serious. He was already in love with someone else, he didn’t need Timothée to start getting all clingy and needy. He forced himself to go to sleep the minute he realized he was thinking about **love.** Of course he wasn’t in love with Armie. That was ridiculous. Right?

The next morning, Timmy woke up to the sound of someone knocking on his door. He groaned while getting out of bed to answer, partly because he didn’t want to get up but mostly, because he knew who was on the other side of the door. He didn’t feel like seeing him today, not after last night. He knew that would be impossible, seeing as they had filming to do. Monet’s Berm out of all the fucking scenes, so he would just have to put up with him. As soon as he opened the door, Armie pushed him into the wall, crashing their lips together. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to kiss him. Of course he wanted to, all the fucking time. But he also didn’t feel like being used like this. Armie couldn’t treat him like he’d done last night and then just expect everything to be okay. So instead of kissing him back, he gently pushed him away, giving him a smile in return. “We haven’t even said good morning to each other and already you’re trying to get in my pants?”, he said jokingly, but he could hear the slight resentment on his voice. Armie didn’t seem to notice it though, he just shrugged and grabbed him by the waist, pulling him close to him while burying his face on his neck. Timmy closed his eyes, almost giving in but eventually pushing Armie away with a nervous laugh. “I’m serious, Armie. I haven’t even washed my teeth yet”. The older man gave him an amused look, “Like that’s ever stopped you before. Seriously Tim, what’s going on? He said while taking a step towards him. Timmy stepped back. He needed to keep some distance between him and Armie if he wanted to be able to control himself. “Nothing’s going on. Come on, I’ll get ready and then we can grab some coffee before going to set.” Armie didn’t look convinced, but nodded anyway, following Timmy into his bedroom while he silently cursed at himself. “You know man, my room’s a mess. Maybe it’s best if you just wait here”, he said, looking everywhere but at Armies’ eyes. “God, what is it with you Timmy? Your room is always a mess, so don’t feed me that bullshit. You’re not fooling me anymore, is this about last night?” Armie said, raising his voice a little bit. “Last night? I don’t know what you’re talking about” said Timmy, struggling to keep his voice down. He hated that Armie had this much power over him. He wished he didn’t care at all, like Armie did, apparently. “You know what? I’ll just go. You can talk to me whenever you feel like telling me what’s bothering you”, the older man said, but he didn’t sound angry this time, just sad. With one last look at him, he turned around and left, closing the door behind him and leaving Timmy alone, once again.

Timmy took a deep breath before going inside the villa. Armie was already there, yet he didn’t even bother to look up as Timmy entered the room. He was pissed. He was supposed to be the one angry at Armie, not the other way around. He walked past him without a glance and found Luca in conversation with someone from the crew. As soon as he spotted Timmy, he gave him a big smile and put an arm around his shoulders. “Ah! There you are tesoro. Big day today, are you ready?”, he said, smiling fondly at him. “Yes, I think I am”, Timmy answered, giving him a small smile in return. Luca looked at him, an eyebrow raised. He could fool anyone, but not Luca, he would always tell when something was wrong. “Are you alright, cuore? he said, eyeing him suspiciously. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be? Timmy said, a nervous laugh escaping his lips. “Okay then, if you say so. Just know, you can always come to me for help”, he said tenderly. Timmy could just smile in return.

Half an hour later, they were all gathered around “Monet’s Berm” and ready to start filming. They’d done the “because I wanted you to know” scene two days before, and now it was time for the long awaited kiss. He and Armie hadn’t even spoken. Not as themselves, at least. They’d practiced a few lines and spoken a few words to each other but that was it. Timmy didn’t know how on earth they’d be able to pull this off. They’d kissed hundreds of times already, and yet he was as nervous as if this were really their first kiss. Luca started giving orders and motioned for them to get in place. Timmy took the opportunity to look at Armie, who looked as nervous as he felt. That wasn’t reassuring, at all. He took a deep breath and waited for Luca to give the order. It was a mess. Two hours of pure torture. Two hours of “Timothée, you look a little stiff, move your head for me. Not quite. Okay, let’s just work with this. Armie, no, you’re rushing too much. It needs to be slow; you need to build it up. No, Timmy, don’t respond so quickly, it needs to be more gentle. God, Armie, no, not like that!” When it eventually became clear that Luca wasn’t going to get a good shot today, he just stood up, exasperated. “Dai! you two are supposed to be in love. Elio has just confessed his feelings to Oliver, they are both excited to share their first kiss. And instead, it looks as if they hate each other. I think that’s it for today, everybody”, he said with a sigh. Timmy stood up, embarrassed. He should’ve spoken to Luca earlier and spared him all this trouble. He knew from the beginning he wouldn’t be able to get this scene right. Not today, at least. He looked at Armie, who was still seating down and staring ahead, thinking. He waited a few seconds. Nothing. Timmy scoffed, he couldn’t believe Armie was still playing at being mad at him. Fine, then. 

He turned around to leave, but was met with a-very angry- Luca instead. He grabbed him by the arm and pulled him aside, away from prying ears. “Listen, Timmy. Basta. Enough pretending. I know you, and I know what you’re feeling”, he said, but there wasn’t a hint of accusation on his voice, simply understanding. Timmy just stared at him. He wasn’t stupid, he knew Luca had simply been playing dumb all this time. Of course he’d noticed. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if everyone had noticed by now. It was funny, really, seeing as he was an actor, yet he was unable to hide what he was feeling most of the time. It was right there for anyone who cared to notice. “God, Luca, I just don’t know what to do”, he said, putting his face on his hands. Luca looked at him fondly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Cuore, it shouldn’t be this hard, you know. Love. It’s not supposed to be this hard”. Timmy laughed nervously. “Come on, Luca, who said anything about love?” The older man just smiled, knowingly. “Right now, you may not want to face it. In fact, you may never want to face it. Just know this. Love…it’s supposed to be a two-way street. You may be prepared to give it all, to give everything to him, but first, you need to make sure he’s ready too, or else you’re the one who’s going to get hurt. Don’t get me wrong, I love Armie, just as much as I love you, and I don’t wish to see either of you getting hurt, but he’s the one who is married. He’s the one who needs to make the important decisions. That’s why I’m begging you, stop pretending, Timothée. Talk to him. Tell him what you’re feeling. Speak.” He didn’t wait for an answer, knowing Timmy was too overwhelmed by the conversation, so he just ruffled his hair, gave him one last smile and left, leaving Timothée all alone to his thoughts, wondering, as Elio had, if it was better to speak or to die.

He wouldn’t give it another thought. He’d change his mind if he did, he knew he would. So as soon as he was done talking to Luca, he ran over to Armies’ apartment, knocking on the door before his self-consciousness decided to stop him. Armie answered in less than two seconds, keys in hand, faced flushed, breathing rapid. “God Tim, I was just on my way to see you”. “You were?”, Timmy said, caught by surprise. “Yes. Come here, please. Let me hold you for a moment. I haven’t held you all day”, Armie said, his voice soft, his breathing shallow. It broke Timmy’s heart. He knew they needed to talk, but right now, he just wanted to be held by him. He stepped into the apartment, closed the door and turned to look at Armie. Without a second thought he stepped closer to him, letting his head rest on the older man’s shoulder while he wrapped his arms around him, gently stroking his hair. “Today was awful, Timmy. I can’t handle us being apart. I just, I feel so lost”, he said, continuing to run his fingers through his hair, while his other hand gently caressed his back underneath his shirt, making the younger man shiver. Timmy stepped back, knowing he wouldn’t be able to talk to him if he didn’t do it right now. “Listen, Armie, before anything else, there’s something I need to- ““No, wait. Let me speak first, please”, the older man said, interrupting him. “God, Timmy, I don’t even know where to start. I’ve practiced this so many times. Fuck, okay. The first time I saw you I was…I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, oh shit I’m so bad at this. Okay. Listen. When I’m not with you, I’m craving you. I need you by my side, all the time. God, even when you’re next to me it’s just not enough. Shit, Timmy, this isn’t making any sense. I just, I’ve never felt this way before. Not even with Elizabeth. I’ve never felt like I couldn’t live without someone before you. And I know. I know what you must think of me. I know that I’m married, and I know you were mad today because of how I treated you last night, and I know I’m so fucking stupid for playing dumb and pretending everything was fine. I know all of this Timmy. But I just want you to know that this isn’t a game for me. Not in the slightest. I’ve been trying so hard to not think about this for the past weeks. I’ve been fooling myself pretending that all I felt for you was lust and nothing else. But I can’t take it any more Timmy. I just need you to know how much I really care for you. I’ll make it work, I swear. I’ll handle everything. I’ll do it, because I love you. Because I’m in love with you.” Timmy just stared at him, mouth hanging open. Time seemed to stop as he grabbed Armie by his shirt and pulled him close to him, kissing him fiercely. He didn’t need to speak. This was his way of saying it all back. Of saying I’m all yours, forever. Of saying I trust you, and I believe you’ll make it work. Of saying I love you too, more than _anything._

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://parlare-o-morire.tumblr.com/)


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